What makes us so frustrated and angry in relationships? What pushes our button and makes us unwilling to see our part we are playing in our fights before we blow up at our significant other? It is often the unseen and unexpressed old messages we are hearing from our parents such as "You are a loser and you are being taken advantage of " or simply "You need to win this argument in any way you can."
Whatever the case may be our messages to ourselves are very often filled with directives to act now or else.
This is exactly the time to decide NOT to act. This is the time to listen carefully to the message that is telling you to act right now. Instead, think about the consequences of your words and actions. Ask yourself, "Will my words or actions get me what I want or will they make things worse with this person ? " Chances are they will heighten the tension and prolong the suffering.
Even if you find it very difficult to state how you feel, for example, "I am hurt, I feel offended, I feel lonesome, this is the time to express your real emotions.
This is often all the other person needs to understand you. This is often the icebreaker that will defuse the bomb of escalating emotions.
I challenge you to try it next time you are in a fight with someone close.